Sunday, August 26, 2007

God's theme for the days?

"and when you get the chance to sit it out or dance... i hope you dance."

yes. i am with you, christine.

it's going to be a good year.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

all these old phrases have too many ghosts

my skin is dark and smells like sunscreen and the sun, my stomach is hungry, and i had some very good time with a good friend today, and i am happy. it's been such a good week, since last week's beach-time that is always so clearing and grounding for me. i was reminded of the joy to be found in living, not just in "free time" but in every moment; of offering our gifts, however small, to be used. and i was reminded, as strange as this will sound, of who i am and have always been. sometimes the memories we have are more like looking back on a story instead of remembering our own lives- at least, that happens with me a lot. but last week as i sat in front of the ocean and remembered what life has been and how God has been in it, all the people i have loved and am loved by, all the places i've seen and things i've gotten to experience, i remembered to remember that it was my life, not a story, and it was like grace filled up my soul. 'twas a good time. i love the beach.

now i just miss the love of my life, who is on the other side of the country being hilarious and eating a lot of hamburgers. when he's gone it feels a little like my arm is missing for the first couple days, and when there's no phone reception on top of it i start to get a little sadder than i would like. just because i miss him.
this too, is wonderful.

i don't really have anything to say- just felt like typing something... ellie's run is in two days, my mom's move is next week, kristine's shower is in two weeks, ryan is home in two and a half, kristine's wedding is in three and a half, and cleveland is in two months. lots to look forward to, lots to pray about. lots to be thankful for.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

truth and beauty

"They're so corny, the prayers. She admits it. She always says them to Jesus, and she says it's important to call Him that--not Christ or Lord or anything--because Jesus is the part of His name that embarrasses people to death when they use it alone, just Jesus. She says that underneath that embarrassment is the part of us that's revolted by Him. It's so damn queer. So you say Jesus to get that part out in the open where He can get at it." --Buechner

Sunday, April 29, 2007

primary debates

I am watching the Democratic Primary debates on MSNBC, and it's a little disheartening. So far, I wouldn't vote for one of these guys to be president of the PTA, much less the United States. And I'm wondering, almost doubtfully, whether the Republican Party has anything better.
One guy I've never heard of (fortunately) seriously just said that the United States needs to stop focusing on military and defense because it doesn't have any enemies.
Bill Richardson just said his first day in office-- first day-- he'd yank us out of Iraq.
And here comes Hillary. Who didn't really say anything, other than that the present administration is failing and that she was a Senator in 9/11.
Kucinich is saying we need to stop speaking in terms of "enemies" so that we can "really start to connect with people" which is a great personal philosophy but I'm not so sure it works for a world wrecked by dualing powers and war since Adam and Eve had kids, and is now warring with weapons that have the power to wipe an entire country off the globe.
Hillary did just give a very good response to a question about the "war on terror".
And now Kucinich is talking about how he wants to try to impeach Cheney! Because he violated the Constitution by sending us to war...?
Mike Gravel (dude I've never heard of) just said there is no hope against terrorism or drugs because both have been there "from the beginning" and so we need to devise new policies about dealing with international threats, implying that we shouldn't be focused on confronting terrorism at all. Fortunately this guy doesn't have a chance.

Sometimes I think I must just be really ignorant about politics, because it can't be possible that all of the candidates for Presidency are as stupid as I think they seem.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

i love you

When you haven't been able to say "i love you" for a time it seems like all of the original weight comes back into the words.. you feel the flutter in your chest just before you know you're going to say it, and it comes out, not like you read it-- just "iloveyou"--but with a little extra emphasis, and maybe some extra breath, on the "love", and more wonder in your voice than usual.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

oh my goodness.

I just saw this facebook page, courtesy of mini-feed:


Future Hot and Submissive Housewives of America..and the Men who LOVE them!
Type:
Description:
This is for all who recognize the characteristics of a perfect wife. We are proud of the duties, tasks and talents that God has blessed us with such as cooking, cleaning, being hot housewives and much, much more. We are often discouraged and brought down by our feminist friends that try to convince us that society has conditioned our thinking. Even though we are often taunted by our feminist friends, lets keep in perspective that we are going to be the lovely breeders of future generations to come..so here's a toast to us....

So go ahead Clorox, Tide, Dish soap, make your best stuff, cause us housewives will take you head on, and enjoy every second. We vow that we will scrub the kitchen from front to back in our stilettos, perfectly manicured fingers, flawlessly pedicured toes, tiny laced aprons, and love every minute of it.

And for all those hearty working men out there, you can always depend on a good housewife to make you that ham, turkey, salami, and cheese sandwich in the middle of the day, you can count on us to have a gourmet dinner on the table when you arrive home from work, and most importantly, we will never, ever cut our hair short and try to resemble you, because YOU are the man in the relationship.

So next time you’re driving the beautiful luxury car your gorgeous husband purchased for you, and you see a feminist riding her bike in the middle of the street lane, honk, remove your Versace sunglasses and without ruining you freshly finished manicure, whip out your bottle of Dom Pérignon Rosé champagne that your husband has graciously stashed in your glove compartment, and make a toast to the future lovely housewives of America---us!

I am cracking up. I think. I mean.. wow. The group has over 1,000 members and I don't know WHAT to say. Sure, these people have a right to their points of view and to be this if they want. Just the picture of a manicured, pedicured, made-up woman in stilettos and a tiny "laced fringe" apron scrubbing the floor with clorox..
Lord help any man who ever had this dream concerning me. ;)

Friday, April 20, 2007

one of my old favorites

should i be bold enough to speak
in this moment
a reverent heart must surely be unbroken
with no regrets
should i be lost in forgetfulness, with no regrets
in my head, faithfully shed?
should i be rich, or poor and scattered
in my dreams?
why laud the failures that surround me?
live unguarded, with no regrets
should i be lost in forgetfulness, with no regrets
in my head, faithfully shed...

i'm free
from the worry
free from the dark that lives in me
free to embark on the passion You've favorably fashioned in me

no regrets, should i be
lost in forgetfulness
with no regrets in my head
faithfully shed

this morning was a lovely and much needed morning, and right now i am remembering, just remembering, everything that i love, the passions in my heart i did not create, the people that i love, the comraderie that we have ('comraderie' is one of my new favorite words), and the peace (in the midst of being mildly terrified) of doing what i need to do.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

things to love

right now.

-reading people's journals, feeling like i am getting some kind of inside info on what's going on in their lives
-sunshine and fair weather
-really, REALLY good books. good Lord.
-reconnecting with old friends
-measuring my worth by who made me alone, and then forgetting to think about my worth altogether and enjoying life.
-very cool temporary jobs and prospects
-new friends
-the uncertainty of my heart and adventure of following through.
-emails about Europe
-fitting into a hot dress that hasn't fit for a while
-breathing hard, pushing my muscles where they don't want to go and dripping sweat
-studying and learning all over again
-good food
-the approaching maytime and summer
-new music and good mix cds in the works
-my very rational, very fun, and very loving roommate who does not laugh at me when i am ridiculous, unless i need her to
-relearning the guitar
-rethinking what i thought and being able to separate reality from culture
-knowing i have done all i can do and the time for worrying and trying to fix is past
-daydreaming about fabulous adventures and a lifetime to have them in
-knowing i am making one of the overly happy posts that everybody hates, and i love it! ;)

mmmmmm. breathe deep the breath of God. (does anybody remember that song?)

Sunday, April 8, 2007

Anger.

I've been thinking today a lot about anger. Because I am angry at someone. Not pettily, not irritated, not looking for someone to blame for my issues, but genuinely and (i think) righteously angry. And I saw him earlier and started thinking about the nature of anger, the nature of our society, the nature of God, and where that all should meet.

It used to be nearly a virtue, I think-- a right reaction to very wrong circumstances that drove men to defense and action. You see it some when men find their wives being abused by another man or when people get worked into fury over issues of injustice or poverty. But I still think that we don't see it much, anymore, and I don't even know if I've ever known how to be it. I always get stuck in the "I should forgive" train of thought, but it's Jesus I learned that from and He certainly got angry; the phrase "wrath of God" didn't come from nowhere. That, or I get stuck in pity-- in "putting myself in the other person's shoes." I can't say harsh things because if someone said them to me, I would be hurt. Or I would feel bad about myself. But I just realized-- literally, like 10 minutes ago-- that "put yourself in their shoes" isn't a Biblical mandate; it's a mantra from preschool, and it comes with a heavy flaw: namely, that if I were in their shoes, things would be a hell of a lot different because it would be me and not them, and in this particular situation I would act a whoooole lot differently. There are, so to speak, no shoes to put on.

It isn't generally acceptable in Christian circles to be really angry, I don't think. Neither is it in societal circles, for totally different reasons; and we ourselves probably rarely experience genuine anger and rarely want to because it is so unpleasant. People get pissed a lot, or angry and bitter in general, inside-- but I'm talking about justified fury, here. That, you don't see much. That's what I'm wondering about.

In That Hideous Strength, C.S. Lewis wrote of a man who encounters another who is very rightly angered over something the man has been a part of:

It may seem strange to say that Mark, having long lived in a world without charity, had nevertheless very seldom met real anger. Malice in plenty he had encountered, but it all operated in snubs and sneers and stabbing in the back. The forehead and eyes and voice of this elderly man had an effect on him which was stifling and unnerving. He had hitherto referred to those in opposition to what he was a part of as whining and yapping; he had never had enough imagination to realize what the "whining" would be like if you met it face to face.

Yes. Real anger we very seldom meet. Consequently, I don't know what to do with it. Certainly, fantasizing about all of the things I would like to say or do during prayer time at church is not the answer. But what is? What do I do with that unfurling of "pity" in my gut when I'm given opportunity to act, and what is acceptable action? How do I deal with the boiling blood and the seeing red and the desire that somebody understand the consequences of his actions, today? I don't know.  I just keep telling the Lord I am angry and hoping for some kind of wisdom about what to do with it.

Thoughts?


Friday, April 6, 2007

Seriously? Seriously.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040402306.html